Well, at least one of you is asleep. The tooth fairy came for you last night, a whole $1 left on the side of the table, because the idea of the tooth fairy reaching under your pillow was " Freaking you out".
But this morning as the sun rises, your sister is talking to her toes, at least I assume so from what I can hear on the baby monitor and you are snoring here in bed with me buried under the covers. I'm afraid I have to inform you that your Great-great Aunt Thelma has passed on.
Thelma is actually you Great-great Aunt, but to you and I she has always been Aunt Thelma. Today I will have to spend the day with my mom making phone calls, making funeral arrangements and probably cleaning her house to prepare for after the funeral. You probably won't understand. I may not be able to go ice skating with you, but I hope I can.
Thelma always loved us. I've been visiting her since I was a baby, and when I was around three, I used to spend a lot of time at her house, playing in the woods, her gardens, and with the chickens. I watched scary movies behind my mom's back at her house, I had a magical fairy land in her woods and a troll under the bridge in her creek. It was always fun with Thelma. As I got older, visits became less due to silly family fighting that Grandma Pat and I had nothing to do with, but suffered the most, as did Thelma. Then shortly before you came along, her husband Tommy passed on and the doors re-opened. But, even then, the disease had started to take hold, but it was way too early to tell. Now as we look back, we can see. But she was a great woman, she loved you, unfortunately, for my littlest girl, the disease had taken hold before she could know you.
I hope you understand today. You've handled death pretty well, but this will be the first person that has died that you are close to. It's 8:14 and you are started to stir. Know that she is better off, wherever she may be now. We'll miss her. I love you girl.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
Christmas 2011
You girls made out like bandits this year! Clothes, Monster High Dolls, baby dolls, marble runs, and plenty of love and family. Spending time with your family was the most important this year. You two have played so well over this holidays that I still can't believe I have two of you!
Christmas for your Dad and I is a special time. When I had started to give up on your father being the mad in my life, he showed up on Christmas and we were finally together for good. That was seven years ago. Two years ago, that's when we made Squish. This year we were just happy to have one another, a home and a very large family on your fathers side to be with. It's been a good Christmas.
And next year Fred, I will get you a Menorah to go next to the Christmas tree. And I promise to keep that Elf Hotsie under control...only if you are good.
Christmas for your Dad and I is a special time. When I had started to give up on your father being the mad in my life, he showed up on Christmas and we were finally together for good. That was seven years ago. Two years ago, that's when we made Squish. This year we were just happy to have one another, a home and a very large family on your fathers side to be with. It's been a good Christmas.
And next year Fred, I will get you a Menorah to go next to the Christmas tree. And I promise to keep that Elf Hotsie under control...only if you are good.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Happy Birthday!
Well, you are six today. I can remember when you were born, and thinking I couldn't even fathom you at six...and here you are. A very smart, caring, cuddly, beautiful little girl. Well, big girl. So far today, you've painted your own nails (I have let you pick red!), played with your sister, worked on your own little 'projects', and driven me crazy asking to see your birthday presents. You are officially a six year old girl.
I was terrified the day you were born, well most of the pregnancy, since my life changed so rapidly, and the pregnancy was tough. But six years ago at midnight, I started having contractions, I called your daddy during his hockey game and by the time he was home, they had stopped. So back to sleep we went, and at 5am, they came on again, this time it was off to the office to be checked and then right to the hospital. I was nervous, scared, but sooo ready for this child of mine to get out of me! I was halfway dialated by 10 am, sure that you were going to come out within two hours. I was going to try and go 'all natural' and it was going ok, til I went from manageble pain to the worst I'd ever felt in about a minute. You had other plans for us.
You my dear, decided to quit this coming out business, pulled out from the south end and put your head facing the west...right under my ribs as the epidural wore off. Yes, I gave you and I drugs because it hurt like nothing I'd ever felt before. I had a few hours of rest while the entire family and friends were talking and waiting and watching me suffer, and then around 8 pm nothing new happened, and the Doctor came in to check, I was explaining your head was under my ribs, and the decision was made for an emergency c-section. I was terrified at that moment. I spent the next 30 minutes in a calm panic as did your Grandmother Pat. Your father, if he was scared, didn't show it. They hustled him off to get scrubs on and wheeled me down the hall to prep me. As they were taking me to the room, I decided my orange popsicles that I kept weaseling out of the nurses all afternoon, were not allowed to be inside me anymore. That was rather embarassing, but nothing they hadn't seen before.
At 9:10 pm, they had me all opened up, I heard the Doctor say "She's looking at us" and then there was a bunch of jostling, pulling and tugging, I felt your head slip out from under my rib cage and you were pulled out at 9:13pm. It took you a few seconds to start crying, and then you were quiet, and in your Daddy's arms for me to look at you. It was over and you were safe and warm and in his arms. It was about an hour before I could hold you since the meds took over my body. So everyone else got to hold you first. Daddy, Grandma Pat, Lyn and George, and an old friend of mine.
When we got to the room that would be our home for the next few days til I could go home, you lifted your entire body up with your neck, got your first bath and I began nursing you. In the middle of the night, you weren't sleeping, so I pulled you into bed with me much to the scolding I got from the nurses. But you and I slept most of the night like that. Last night, you were still in bed with me as the clock ticked midnight to tell me it was your birthday. I love you. Here's hoping you don't drive me batty before you get your presents tonight!
I was terrified the day you were born, well most of the pregnancy, since my life changed so rapidly, and the pregnancy was tough. But six years ago at midnight, I started having contractions, I called your daddy during his hockey game and by the time he was home, they had stopped. So back to sleep we went, and at 5am, they came on again, this time it was off to the office to be checked and then right to the hospital. I was nervous, scared, but sooo ready for this child of mine to get out of me! I was halfway dialated by 10 am, sure that you were going to come out within two hours. I was going to try and go 'all natural' and it was going ok, til I went from manageble pain to the worst I'd ever felt in about a minute. You had other plans for us.
You my dear, decided to quit this coming out business, pulled out from the south end and put your head facing the west...right under my ribs as the epidural wore off. Yes, I gave you and I drugs because it hurt like nothing I'd ever felt before. I had a few hours of rest while the entire family and friends were talking and waiting and watching me suffer, and then around 8 pm nothing new happened, and the Doctor came in to check, I was explaining your head was under my ribs, and the decision was made for an emergency c-section. I was terrified at that moment. I spent the next 30 minutes in a calm panic as did your Grandmother Pat. Your father, if he was scared, didn't show it. They hustled him off to get scrubs on and wheeled me down the hall to prep me. As they were taking me to the room, I decided my orange popsicles that I kept weaseling out of the nurses all afternoon, were not allowed to be inside me anymore. That was rather embarassing, but nothing they hadn't seen before.
At 9:10 pm, they had me all opened up, I heard the Doctor say "She's looking at us" and then there was a bunch of jostling, pulling and tugging, I felt your head slip out from under my rib cage and you were pulled out at 9:13pm. It took you a few seconds to start crying, and then you were quiet, and in your Daddy's arms for me to look at you. It was over and you were safe and warm and in his arms. It was about an hour before I could hold you since the meds took over my body. So everyone else got to hold you first. Daddy, Grandma Pat, Lyn and George, and an old friend of mine.
When we got to the room that would be our home for the next few days til I could go home, you lifted your entire body up with your neck, got your first bath and I began nursing you. In the middle of the night, you weren't sleeping, so I pulled you into bed with me much to the scolding I got from the nurses. But you and I slept most of the night like that. Last night, you were still in bed with me as the clock ticked midnight to tell me it was your birthday. I love you. Here's hoping you don't drive me batty before you get your presents tonight!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
32
Here we are girls. It’s my 32nd Birthday (almost). I’m not quite sure what we are doing today, but all I really want is a little peace and quiet, for you two to be happy and healthy, and for your father to be there with us in the same contentment. It’s a Wedsnday, and this is my new blog. Advice I’m going to give you whether you like it or not. As much knowledge of my accomplishments and my failures for you either to soak in, or ignore as much as you like. I know that you are listening when I speak to you, whisper to you, and even when I yell, you are listening. This is for you to read...over, and over, and over again. As proof, or to jog you memory.
So here it is girls, I’m 32. There were points in my life I never thought I’d see 32. Times when I imagined my life much different, meanwhile dreaming of where I am today. Yes, as much as I wanted to be a world traveler, writer, painter, model, retired ice skater, teacher, and veterinarian where I am today was my biggest dream. A stay at home mom. Wait, a YOUNG stay at home mom.
Years ago, lets say, early teen years, I always figured I’d be a single mom before I was 25, whether by divorce or an unfortunate one night stand. Alone and doing it on my own or just alone, me, myself, and I. (Yes girls, this is a truth blog!). The idea of being a stay a home mom, with a a loving husband, a house not made of tin, dogs, cats, and whatever else I could really want, was a dream. It was what I knew. But Mama had dreams, and not much was going to stop me whether I knew it or not. Life guided me, sometimes, unknowingly to where I am today. I tried to travel as much as I could, but I really enjoyed having a roof over my head when I came home, so my job held me back there. Painting, well, I still dabble, but art school, while fun, was not my calling. Model, well, I would have been great, but my self confidence in that arena was lacking (but not in other more important arenas!). And retired ice skater, I was young and I was going to make up for what that blond bitch did to Nancy Kerrigan. Meanwhile, teacher and vet, well, it comes with the job of being a mother, either to our critters, or the ones I have produced. My two beautiful girls.
Today, I have all that I ever wanted, sure, I’d like to travel more, but I also like being right here in our home, creating memories you will never forget. Creating stability for you. Filling our house with books, movies, music, critter, holidays, pictures of family, laughter and love. So 32 is not all that bad. And not all that old.
So here it is girls, I’m 32. There were points in my life I never thought I’d see 32. Times when I imagined my life much different, meanwhile dreaming of where I am today. Yes, as much as I wanted to be a world traveler, writer, painter, model, retired ice skater, teacher, and veterinarian where I am today was my biggest dream. A stay at home mom. Wait, a YOUNG stay at home mom.
Years ago, lets say, early teen years, I always figured I’d be a single mom before I was 25, whether by divorce or an unfortunate one night stand. Alone and doing it on my own or just alone, me, myself, and I. (Yes girls, this is a truth blog!). The idea of being a stay a home mom, with a a loving husband, a house not made of tin, dogs, cats, and whatever else I could really want, was a dream. It was what I knew. But Mama had dreams, and not much was going to stop me whether I knew it or not. Life guided me, sometimes, unknowingly to where I am today. I tried to travel as much as I could, but I really enjoyed having a roof over my head when I came home, so my job held me back there. Painting, well, I still dabble, but art school, while fun, was not my calling. Model, well, I would have been great, but my self confidence in that arena was lacking (but not in other more important arenas!). And retired ice skater, I was young and I was going to make up for what that blond bitch did to Nancy Kerrigan. Meanwhile, teacher and vet, well, it comes with the job of being a mother, either to our critters, or the ones I have produced. My two beautiful girls.
Today, I have all that I ever wanted, sure, I’d like to travel more, but I also like being right here in our home, creating memories you will never forget. Creating stability for you. Filling our house with books, movies, music, critter, holidays, pictures of family, laughter and love. So 32 is not all that bad. And not all that old.
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